


Live, Love, Life

by BlueTigarPaw



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2018-10-01
Packaged: 2018-11-09 19:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11111664
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlueTigarPaw/pseuds/BlueTigarPaw
Summary: That fateful night at the Potter's James survives whilst Lily dies protecting baby Harry. Grieving, James is unable to care for Harry, so Dumbledore sets up a helper for James. James appreciates the thought, but not the history that arises living with one slimy git. Can these two work together to create the family that Harry needs?Only time will tell





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 

The night had been clear and unwavering, hardly threatening.  
Regardless of being in the middle of a war it was a slow evening for the Potters. Lily had just put Harry to bed, tucked in, and possibly the cutest Gryffindor mascot, swaddled in a red and gold blanket given to them by Sirius.  
James was finishing up the dishes in the room next door, scrubbing suds over the white china. The picture of fatherhood. 

Life had change drastically after Lily’s pregnancy. Before the whole group had been five rouge Wizards and Witch, young and full of adventure. They were fighting for justice against one of the baddest and most powerful Wizards the world had ever seen.  
Life had been a buzz of thrills. A constant high of fights, then later falling into Lily’s arms, celebrating their hurricane like love in the center of this chaos.  
Regardless of how uneventful the past year had been in the safe house, James wouldn’t change this domestic bliss for the world. 

As the evening drew on the sun began to dip into the horizon triggering the fluorescent glow of the street lights to pour into the small rectangular window above the sink. It was the perfect image of peace, yet something struck James as odd.  
Instincts kicked in as he focused his eyes on the shadows between the floods of light. The silhouette of a tall, gangling figure stood as if in wait. James knew a Wizard when he saw one. The figure took a step and the wards on the safe house went ape shit. Screams of alarms deafening, James almost missed the banging on the kitchens back door.  
Someone else was out the back.

“What’s going on?” Lily ran into the kitchen squeezing his broad shoulders with trembling hands. Both of them knew what was happening.  
‘What do we do?’ Her frightened green doe eyes pleaded.  
“Get Harry and run!” James shouted, springing Lily into action.  
James turned towards the back door. Whoever was there had triggered the wards. Outside the window James noted that the figure was walking towards them at a faster pace.  
‘Definitely the bigger threat’, James's experience with death eaters reasoned.  
James pulled out his wand and cautiously headed towards the back door, planning to cut through whoever was out them and create an escape rout for the three of them. Without a second thought he swung open the door, screaming “Expelliamus!” at the intruder.  
A familiar face deadpanned at him as Snape's wand flew from his long bony fingers. 

“You don’t have time for this!” Snap snapped at James's shocked expression. Grabbing the lapel of his shirt, Snape pulled James's body outside dragging the door closed with it. James body snapped back into action, with a vicious curse on his tong, the only thing that stopped him from slicing the snake open was Snaps hands, held high in surrender.  
“Enough! I’m not here to fight you. The dark lord is coming for Lily and you. You both need to get out of here. Now!” Snape’s characteristic drawl was spend up in panic, his pupils seemed to quiver. “Now, where’s Lily?”  
Distrust growled through James, "She's with Harry". 

The sound of lightning and thunder that pierced the air was shattering, like the splintering of wood of a great bulldozed tree, followed by an ear splitting, echoed scream pierceing the night. A dark feeling of dread landed like a rock in the two men's stomachs. 

“Lily!” both men screamed in reply before an all too familiar green light shot out of the houses windows like bolts of deadly lightning. Both of the men scrambled without fear to get through the door. Limbs knocking into each other as they raced through the house, James in the lead with Snape at his heels.  
The squealing of Harry’s cries rang through the hallway making James sign in relief for a moment before the body of his wife came into view.  
Harry was curled up uselessly in her weightless arms whimpering. Even in shock James immediately scooped Harry into his arms for safety.  
Snape was less composed. He dropped to his knees and let out a wail which could have rivaled one of Remus’s howls during a full moon. It was like a dam have burst in the man. Something cracked beyond repair. 

Harry join the sorrow with tears of his own as James stood on, watching the scene, petrified in a state of shock.  
Nothing would ever be the same again.  
He didn't have the tears to describe that moment.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Even a week later the celebrations continued. Into the night and throughout the days surrounding the end of the war witches and wizards screamed and shouted, ‘The death of the dark lord’ this, or ‘He who Must Not Be Named, defeated!’ 

Celebration was the opposite too how James felt.  
He had still not come to terms with what had happened, he didn’t think he ever really could.  
Everything seemed harder now. He was fully capable of taking care of Harry, he’d never skimped on his duties as a parent.   
Yet now he was burdened with double the load. Of being both a single parent and carrying the dense burden of grief. He was always up all hours of the night and day, tending to Harry’s whims, rather than celebrating with the rest of the wizarding society. 

It seemed that he never had a moments rest and grief no matter how poignant, was a luxury he could not afford.  
He could not even despair for the imprisoned Sirius and missing Peter. Neither of which he could come to terms with. It was like everything had been taken from him in one night. Worst were the Daily Prophet’s articles about Harry, now commonly called the boy who lived. James wanted to keep Harry as far away from that press and public eye for as long as he could. The thing which lead to his mother's death shouldn’t be celebrated like that.   
Plus if his son was anything like him he was sure the fame would go straight to his one year old's head, like a pint of fire whiskey on an empty stomach.   
He knew Lily wouldn't want that. 

Remus helped out when he could but had issues of his own to deal with. And the bi-weekly visits could not cure the growing sense of loneliness inside of him.   
A baby was no replacement for another adult, no matter how much James loved his son, and as the days went on James could feel that love being tested.  
During one of Harry’s especially restless nights, staying up, spitting and wailing for a straight five hours, James's mind lock on the soft featured pillow beneath his sons head. He could just push down on his tiny face, then all of his responsibilities would end.   
He was still so young, basically still a teenager, he shouldn’t have to put up with this shit. 

As if sensing the ill intent Harry woke with a gargle and began to cry again. James snapped out of his mind and felt a horrible wave of grief and guilt hit him. He felt as if he’d fallen from his broom during quidditch and landed solidly on his back.   
Picking Harry up James held his son close to his chest trying to comfort both of them. He sat down on a cushy chair reclining back. Soon Harry fell back to sleep but James remained, staring at the ceiling with tears silently falling down his face. 

After the realization that James could not do this alone he contacted Dumbledore. James needed his wisdom now more than ever.   
“Please, I don’t know what to do”, James juggled Harry whist popping into his mouth a taffy that Dumbledore offered. He would never reject one of the headmaster’s sweets.   
“I have a possible solution which could positively affect all parties involved”, the headmaster steadily held James gaze, “but it will require adjustments and acceptance of the past on all sides”.   
“Anything! If it’s got to do with the war I don’t care what they did. It was all for the greater good anyway. Right?”   
Dumbledore said nothing for a moment which made James raise his head.   
“What else would it be that I’d need to forgive?” Dumbledore looked down onto his past student with sadness.   
“I promise that you and your son will be in good hands, and Remus can come and give you company whenever he wishes. I also believe it would be good to keep Harry away from the wizarding community right now, for everyone's sake."   
Dumbledore gazed down at Harry and smiled, "his quite the young champion and that sort of attention is never good for one so young.” James followed the headmasters gaze towards his son.   
He was perfect. The only mare being the lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead. James looked back to Dumbledore with a sigh of conviction.  
“Ok, whatever you think is best.” 

James juggled Harry’s baby gear into one hand, pulling out his wand from his pocket.   
Harry was giggling away in his stroller. A passing butterfly landed on his nose, drawing delighted giggles and splutter sounds.   
His green eyes danced with mirth the way Lily’s had used to.   
‘Its times like this that made it all worth it’, James thought to himself as he opened the wards. The Order’s headquarters squeezed into the impossible space between the two muggle houses, its doors swinging open in invitation.   
“Well this is our new home Harry.” James jumped in excitement which became contagious to Harry who joined in. “Let’s go see which Phoenix member Dumbledore conned into helping out!”   
“Who has been conned again Potter?” A slow, irritating drawl came from the doorway. Snape appeared in the door framed and leaned against the pealing paint panel.  
“Welcome home Potter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for reading my works :)   
> Plz send any critiques or nice words my way. Hope you're all enjoying the story so far.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

James sat across from Snape who was sipping his Chamomile tea. He had been strategic about his placing. Harry was tucked in bed and snoozing away, at least for the moment. James had chosen the seat in front of the doorway. If Sniverus did anything funny he’d be ready to jump into action and protect his son with his life. Like a lion protecting his cubs form the evil slithering snake. 

“You can calm down, I’m not interested in hurting either of you.”  
“Then why are you here?” James growled. He could swear his anger was on a hairs breath right now.  
“Do you want the pleasant answer? I just couldn’t find it in me to let Lily’s brood be neglected by an impaired father. Or do you want the real answer?” 

James watched Snape almost delicately place his tea on the mahogany table. He remained quiet for a long while, something obviously floating across somewhere in his mind.  
"Look..."  
“To be honest, I had nowhere else to go.”  
James didn't believe a word that came from the mans mouth, but let it be for now. 

James slept with one eye open that night with Harry by his side. The war must have mushed Dumbledore's mind to mash potato; what the hell was he thinking? Not only did he let a death eater into the Order's headquarters, but the fact that he hadn't just handed the snake over to the Aurors confounded him.  
An awkward silence was like a heavy blanket over the two the next day. The only sound was the ticking of the cloak marking every strained second, Snape stayed silent eating breakfast at the round breakfast table whilst James tiredly went about making himself an Earl Grey.  
James stirred his tea cub once, then twice hitting the side with a loud clang. Snape didn't move so James did the same action again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again and again, and again and again, and again; and one more time just for kicks.  
The straw that broke the camels back.  
"For the love of Merlin, Potter would you stop that! You made your point!"  
"What point?"  
James smirked as Sniverus swore looking down at the table. His greasy black hair covering his expression.  
Everything around the man just screamed darkness, the complete opposite of Lily...

“What do you mean you had nowhere else to go?”  
Their old rivalry spark to life.  
“Dumbledore’s basically protecting me from being shipped off to Azkaban, for now,” Snape sneered an ugly expression. “There isn’t much I can really argue to right now, not for my…choices in the war.”  
“You mean being fucking Deatheater scum?”  
“Language Potter your sons in the next room.”  
“Fuck off. I won’t let a death eater anywhere near my son. Especially not one as vial and slimy as you.”  
“For all your ‘bravery’ you must not have met many of us then. I can assure you there were worst followers then myself.”  
"I know, I killed a number of them."  
"Pft, you did nothing worthwhile, couldn't even protect your wife could you."  
“I’m firecalling Dumbldore!”  
“Go ahead, but I doubt he’ll go back on his decisions now, don't you think? And do you really have any choice at this point?” James clenched at the painful truth of it all.  
“Fine then. I say we set some ground rules. First, you will in no instance go near Harry.”  
“A little hard when I’m meant to be the hired help.”  
“Second”, James continued, “You will keep your distance, and the distance of your spooky potions away from Harry.”  
“Are all of your rules going to revolve around your son?”  
“Third, if you try anything at all I will hex you until your own mother wouldn’t recognize you.”  
“Trust me, that is not really a threat. Also I can assure you I have absolutely no interest in assisting in the upbringing of your sporn. If I must be here I will be, but don’t expect me to lift a figure.”  
“Good! Because I’ll be keeping an eye on you! I swear nothing you do will go past me.”  
Snape smirked at that, “I highly doubt that Potter.” 

Life stayed mostly the same for James. He tried to contact Dumbledore but he couldn't get through. Sniverous keep his word and stayed as far as he could from the both of them.  
James could mostly hear the man he’d tormented potter around in his makeshift lab, an almost permanent place of residence. James would have been both more suspicious and curious about what was going on in there if he wasn’t so exhausted by Harry’s shenanigans.  
He was doing his parents proud, but damn Harry was a handful. The point of living with another human being was so that they could assist in caring for Harry, who became more and more difficult as he grew. But now James had the added pressure of keeping one eye on Snape, and the other on his son.

Predictably, this lifestyle could not last for long.  
Less than a fortnight later James woke with a start, finding he’d dosed off on the sitting room couch. ‘Where’s Harry?’ He jumped to his feet and raced to Harry’s makeshift nusery, he hadn’t the time to paint the walls and make it look as nice as it had in their old home. Harry had begun to crawl, and damn was he a good crawler. Energetic as anything and James knew when he was old enough he’d make a great Quittage player. But for now that meant if James took his eyes off his son for even a minute he’d be in any corner of the huge multiple story house.  
Jame’s mind was still sluggish and dysfunctional. He began to work himself into a tiered frenzy. ‘Where is my son? Lily would kill him if he lost Harry!’ James felt a sudden emotional drop that nearly swept him off his feet.  
“Potter!” A shape dis-likable voice snapped from the hallway. Dust rose at Snape’s feet as he stepped into the doorway. In his arms squirmed Harry, who was being carried like a disobedient kitten in its mother’s mouth, extended in Snape's hand by his scruff. Harry was reaching with inquisitive hands towards Snape’s oily hair. By the disgusted expression on Snape’s face this seemed to annoy him to no end.  
“You sporn was crawling around my lab, I surly hope he didn’t ingest anything.” James made a grab and pulled Harry to his chest, instantly feeling soothed by his son’s heat against his chest.  
“Don’t you dare touch him!” James snapped at Snape.  
“He crawled into my lab! His lucky I didn’t shove some nasty potion down his greedy gullet.” Snape bit back.  
“Just fuck off back down to your putrid lab like the slimy, vile snake you are!” James felt himself snap but didn’t care, he needed something to vent his stress onto like he needed air. He could feel the frustration and grief like warm fire swim through his veins. It heated him and made James feel powerful.  
This ugly sense of control had always rose its head in school whenever he could get one up on Snape. Whenever he could tease or torment, poke and prod until the git fought back. Harry began to cry in his arms snapping James out of his anger.  
Like a light switch James leaped back into father mode, rocking and soothing Harry as best he could. After a moment James looked up to see Snape glaring at him with black death in his eyes. The glare only lasted a moment before something more vulnerable crawled under his dark lashes. He turn away to head back to his lab. “I beginning to wonder if the Dementors wouldn’t be a better fate then this?”  
“If you want to go to them be my guest!” James replied bitingly. Snape looked back for a moment with his eyes resting on Harry's. In that moment Harry stopped crying and gave Snape a winning smile. Before his expression could soften Snape left the room with a bang of the door, sending Harry into another fit of tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You everyone for the Kudo's, sending love out to you all!  
> Sorry I had such a long gap between chapters, I was traveling for the past month but now I'm back a rearing to get this done!  
> Hope you will all stick around to the end :D


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next night saw a still exhausted James collapsed on the same overused, Griffendoor red couch he’d napped on the day before.   
Harry was thankfully napping but since Dumbledore was dropping by to have a chat he would only get the luxury of a few minutes rest before resuming adulthood. 

Merlin's beard, he missed simpler times.   
James looked around at the layer of dust coating everything. He hadn’t even had the time to get a house elf. The old staff, some house elf called Kreatcher seemed to enjoy being spiteful him, a stranger living in the black family home. He did this through passive aggressive acts of dishes stacked to the roof in the kitchen, forcing James to only just handle the load. A pile of washing building itself in a cathedral in the laundry. 

‘Snape was fucking useless’, James grumbled to himself, ‘he could at least help with that!’   
He wiped both his hands tiredly over his face.

James outburst yesterday had cheered him up marginally for a few hours before his perpetual exhaustion caught up again.   
‘Maybe he could make a habit of it’, James thought darkly. ‘Hex him a bit, for old time’s sack’. 

His bullying days had worked great for him at Hogwarts. Ideally, it had even helped pull Lily away from that snake, thinking back on it.  
James mind soften in melancholy when he thought of Lily.   
‘No, Lily would be so disappointed in me. Plus he wouldn’t want Harry to grow up seeing that sort of bullying in his own home.’ 

James recalled some of the lonelier nights, when the harsh reality of the world first hit him after listening to Sirius’s issues with his parents. The violence that he experienced inside the confides of his own home making the walls feel more like bars of a cage.   
He never wanted Harry to feel like that.

The wards chimed out Dumbledore's arrival moments before the fireplace lit up the sitting room with blue light. The old wizard stepped through the arch with his innate grace, disregarding his age. 

“Hello headmaster!” James greeted excitedly. Merlin, he needed to get out more if he considered meetings with Dumbledore as stimulating socialization.  
“Hello James, it’s good to see you again. Is Harry sleeping currently?”   
“Yeah, fast asleep right now. So we can talk in the living room. Would you like some tea?”  
“Yes that would be refreshing, it would be too much to ask for some sweets with that I’m assuming?” 

James scratched his head awkwardly with a dope-ish smile.   
“Yeah probably, I’ll see what we have.”   
Dumbledore hummed back looking around the house as they walked through. “I see you haven’t been able to convince the Black house elf to accept you yet. Would you like me to assist you with that?” James sighed with unrealized relief, “yes that would be a massive help, thank you.”

The two sat down in the tidiest living room James could find, with warm golden walls and out of date yet strangely tasteful wallpaper, the chestnut brown love seats felt like heaven against James exhausted legs as he levitated the tea set to the table, sources and all, poured in summoned water and tea leaves and left the brew to boil.

“And how is it going with Severus?” James cringed at mention of the man.   
“I actually have some news to tell him so if he would not mind joining us for tea that would save my pour legs the trip down to whichever room he had relocated his lab. If you wouldn’t mind?”   
James put on a pained smile, “of course not headmaster, I’ll go get him now”.

He stood up with an irrepressible sigh and headed down stairs to retrieve the git from the basement.   
This reminded him way to much of the Hogwarts dungeons. He’d always hated the location, preferring the wide open spaces and fresh air. Maybe the git was half troll, feeling at home underground, his face sure as hell resembled it. 

He opened the wooden door without knocking, making Snivellus jump and nearly spill whatever bright pink liquid he was holding over his led cauldron.   
“What do you want Potter?” The man chided at James.   
“Dumbledore wants to talk to you for some reason, so get your ass upstairs.” James stated bluntly before returning to the warm confines of the living room. 

“He’ll be up once his packs up”, James smiled diplomatically. Dumbledore smiled back.  
“And how are you too getting along?” At that moment Snape walked into the room, “Swimmingly,” Snape bit out.   
James held his tong and watched their headmaster nod in a sad tone.  
“Well I hope you are assisting James to lift his burden. Parenting is one of the hardest profession you know.”   
“One of them, but I can assure you there are worst,” Snape replied sitting down.   
James swallowed the sudden urge to bit his head off.   
“Well the last person we would want to suffer from the tragedies of the war is little Harry, so I hope you can provide adequate assistance in the future, the bags under James eyes are very prominent now days.” Snape nodded scowling at the implicit order.   
James smirked at the childish victory, “So what is the occasion that you had to speak to me sir?”  
“Oh, I was merely keen to see how you were going about, make sure you were fitting into the lifestyle. The one I really have business with is Severus.” Dumbledore turned back to Snape in a more serious tone. Snape stood up a little straighter (James couldn’t believe that was possible) at those words. 

“What would be the nature of this business?” Snape questioned after a few seconds, his words pronounced slower than usual.   
“The ministry has come to me with an ultimatum about you”. Dumbledore's expression turned serious.   
“They do not like that someone with past affiliations like yours to be with too much free time on his hands. They believe it would be beneficial for you to acquire work.”  
“I have a job”, Snape deadpanned, “I privately brew potions for chosen clients”.   
This was the first James had heard of this.   
“That may be what they are afraid of dear boy. They ideally want an employer to watch over these clients and who you have contact with. So naturally I gave them a proposal.” Snape sent a squinting glare like his puiples were black moons through midnight clouds Dumbledore's way.   
“What proposal?” “I suggested that you would be more then capable of replacing Slughorn as the potions master at Hogwarts. And that you would be delighted to accept.”

Snape stood with a sudden jerk.   
“Haven’t I done enough for you!” he shouted in a tone James thought was reserved for him.   
“I’m not qualified to teach! I despise children. Why would you make such as suggestion when I would happily work with any apothecary in the country?!”

In a gentle tone Dumbledore countered, “they want someone they feel safe with. Under anyone else you would be heavily scrutinized every single day. You would have no privacy and even less chances professionally. I know you well enough to know you want none of these things.” Snape’s glare never left Dumbledore's face, “maybe I put my cards in with the wrong lot.”   
“I know more than anyone you don’t actually mean that”.   
That made Snape turn his body away with force, walking to lean on the fireplace. James held his breath at the drama, he have to make fun of Snape later for being such a drama queen about this. A position as a Hogwarts professor was a prestigious one, what was he complaining about? 

A moment passed in complete silence. If James were younger he would have been squirming in his seat, abhorring the awkwardness of it. Instead he waited for Snape’s reply. 

“Fine.” Snape finally turned to look back at the two. “But it means my time here would be limited”.

James nearly jumped with joy. “Oh not for another year or two. You are correct when you mentioned your lack of teaching qualification. I have prepared for Slughorn to take you on as a part time teacher’s apprentice for the next semester. This wouldn’t require you to relocate yourself to Hogwarts.”

‘Damn’ both James and Snape thought in sync. 

“If we are all in agreement I must regret that I’m not able to stay for what I’m sure is delightful conversation.”   
James nodded and walked Dumbledore to the fireplace Snape had just occupied.  
“I hope you two can become better acquainted in the near future, if only for Harry’s sake.”  
“I owe nothing to the brat,” Snape mumbled under his breath. James glared whilst Dumbledore watched on sadly.  
“I’m sorry this has to continue Severus but it is for the best I assure you,” he then turned to farewell James.  
“I will have a chat with the house elf, but James please try to get on with your roommate. You may find the company intriguing if you give it a chance.” Both men shivered at the mere thought.   
“Give my regards to young Harry!”   
Dumbledore chimed before dropping the floo powder and heading off to what sounded to be the Ministry.

Snape dropped onto the couch, hands splayed across his long face.   
James rocked from heel to toe, to curious to leave. 

“Why don’t you want the position?” Snape glared up at him.   
“It’s a pretty prestigious position you know, just work there for a few years then I’m sure anywhere would accept you! Plus it’s Hogwarts, the best place on earth! I’m almost jealous actually.”  
Snape lowered his head seeming to be too tired to rise to the challenge.

“For you who fought on the right side maybe. I… don’t have many good memories of the place.”  
James cringed a little, knowing perhaps he had a little to do with that. He waited for Snape to illiterate but the man continued to stare at the ground, seeming to submit to the world and retreat into his own mind.

James felt it begin to get awkward but Harry’s cries from upstairs jolted him back into activeness.  
But before he could leave the room a small voice James was unused to whispered, “I’ll help with Harry if you let me”.   
James stared ahead into the hallway wall for a time.   
“Ok. I guess if Dumbledore trusts you enough to make you a professor that should be a sign you’re not trying to kill us.” James heard a small laugh spill from Snape. It was so weird hearing a sound so honest from the man, it almost made something inside James twinge. He left it at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi,  
> Sorry about the muck up with this chapter, late night and not enough coffee in me  
> Hope this chapter makes up for it!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Snape remembered collapsing into himself. It was as if the bones keeping his body together had jellyfied, his muscles turning inwards and mind shutting down.

‘I guess my life was never meant to be mine after all’, he thought bitterly.   
Emotional state: Severus was a wreck. His head continuously felt like the fog in the forbidden forest at night. Time felt like it had its own rules, and days sometimes went past without him realizing it. 

Potter seemed to be getting through his wife’s death with grace. He kept his head high and took on the responsibility to his son.   
Severus could respect that; at least a bit.   
Severus didn’t have the luxury of that grace. 

He tried to keep busy working on his potions, but eventually exhaustion would wear on him, driving him back to bed. Yet, sleep would only escape him. He would lie there for hours at a time, too tired to do anything productive, but also too exhausted to dive into sleep

The sickly green swirl of his potions bubbling away in the lab would swirl into his head, and like a potions lab with no ventilation, the swirling smoke of poisonous emotions had no outlet to release into the material world. No place to rest its grief. 

Having less interaction with other humans than ever before, being reduced to converse with Potter or his runt. Neither being a source of mental motivation he needed to get out of his rut. 

Severus had never felt quite so lonely in his life. Fucking up his friendship with Lily didn’t hold up to the knowledge that she was six feet underground, rotting away from this world. The sunlight felt dimmer without her here to enjoy its warmth. Like the world had ended that night.

Severus couldn’t believe that knowing his state, Dumbledore would even suggest him becoming a teacher.   
He was basically a hermit, how was he meant to go from this to interacting with other staff plus fifty or more students a day? He had always imagined himself dedicated to his research, eventually owning his own lab and maybe if the time was right taking on some high quality apprentices. Not dumb, snot nosed first years who would blow up his cauldrons! Surely that life had never been in his cards! 

But it was coming to look like his dreams would never come to be. So much for Slytherin ambition.  
If Albus was right then the ministry would be black listing his name for more years then he would be alive. He would never be able to own his own lab, or make any serious commercial business with it. Nothing that wasn't illegal anyway.   
He hadn’t had any control of his life at home with his mother, Hogwarts had been a cruel waste of time, and his time with the Dark Lord had only taught him more about servitude. Now his adult life was about to be dictated for him too? Was all a cruel joke? He was the butt of some cruel higher power who wanted to see how far he could be pushed.   
He needed a drink.   
Or some poison. 

But Snape guessed that for this reason Dumbledore had paired the two up. He would have probably starved to death by now if Potter hadn’t been cooking for the two of them, or more cooking slightly more food than one person would normally eat, then not complaining when it went missing from the fridge. He seriously doubted that Potter would ever purposefully cook for him.

The only acceptable change was that he had finally given in, and accepted to help look after Harry. 

Severus knew that he had offered the help but couldn’t quite believe he’d been so stupid.  
Babies were machines of feces and vomit, refused to sleep regardless of their lack of worldly problems and demanded ones attention at the worst of times. 

It took him much too long to perfect all the skills he needed, such as changing diapers, learning what Harry’s different cries apparently meant. This meant that for the first week Severus had to spend an uncomfortable number of hours in close proximity to James, who was far from trusting him with his only son.   
Except for baby information the two had little to talk about. 

James obviously attempted to be more civil and hold back his biting tendencies he’d had towards him at school, but every now and then a sharp remark would slip his lips, reminiscent of his high school self, usually when he was frustrated at something he did wrong. Like the time he put Harry's diaper on the wrong way. Or swinging the babe too hard trying to sooth his cries, only to have Harry vomit all over the velvet lounge suite.   
Snape would without fail bit back, but without the distance of others Severus had had at school, it was like the insults held double their original power.  
When James would comment about his slimy hair, Severus would find himself gazing at his reflection for much too long. When James would make a jab at his dark past, he’d stare at his disfigured arm until his mind passed on into sleep, only to have nightmares of the war plague him. 

The only good thing in his life turned out to be that same vomiting, shitting machine.   
Eventually James would leave him alone with Harry for longer and longer periods of time. When Harry was not vomiting, or shitting, or crying, he was actually bearable, if only just.

Harry had Lily’s eyes.

At first this had upset Severus, but soon he found it to be comforting. A small memento which made him smile.   
Harry was very active for his age as well. He could never get enough of the toys he was showered with, or the playtime both he and James separately lavished on him. Spoilt kid. His giggles were the cutest sound he’d ever heard, though he’d tell no one: his smile contagious.

Severus sometimes attempted to practice his teaching skills on Harry, but his student was unreceptive and lacked attention.  
‘He’d probably be Harry’s teacher one day’, Snape thought to himself. Hopefully he'd grow out of it. 

But the thing which slowly made Snape realize he loved this baby was the lack of judgement. He knew rationally that it was because this was a baby he was talking about. Harry didn’t know any better, and when he was older, James would probably tell him all the horrible things he’d done and Harry would turn against him like the rest of the world.   
But for now when Harry looked at him his gaze was pure and kind.  
He wanted nothing from Severus but to be fed and played with. No agendas, no failed expectations.

After less than a month Severus understood Lily’s sacrifice.  
He would die for this child too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow its been a while since the last update, I've been overseas for a number of weeks so i'll be trying better in the future!  
> As always critiques and criticism always wanted, and hit up that Kudos!  
> Thanks for reading and enjoying my works and I hope this chapter brought a tear to you eye, I know it did mine.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Self pleasure ahead for everyone that is here for the graphic fics ;)

Chapter 6

New Years passed, but thanks to the war Hogwarts was not scheduled to open until the following year. Watching the quietest member of their household cleaning dishes sent the message clean and clear in James mind. Snape was not stationed to begin his training for quite some time.   
But Dumbledore was right about one thing though.  
Having another pair of hands around to help was a god send.

He had almost forgotten what it was like to have Lily around, doing in truth the bulk of the housework.   
Although it had taken a stupid amount of time teaching Snape about the ins and outs of raising a 15 month old, eventually the two learnt to split the load.   
Snape bitched about the duties a lot when James was around, but when he didn’t know James was looking, sometimes he could be found playing with Harry, a small smile donning his long face.  
Cute.   
James was more shocked then he felt he should be at the prospect of Snape being father-like; kind, even. 

Snivillus was the ugly, large nosed, snot covered, bitchy Slytherin who spent his time torturing kittens and dealings with Dark Lords.   
Not playing with babies and smiling.   
James felt maybe a little guilty that he couldn’t remember a time when he’d seen the man smile. Possible a consequence of his actions. 

What was even stranger was the sudden ruse of arousal James felt as he watched Snape interact with Harry.  
It had been months now since he’d been to 'bed' with anyone. None the less intimate.   
What was really funny, unimaginable to his 18 year old self, was it wasn’t even the wild animalistic sex he missed.  
It was the warmth of another person, held seemingly just out his grasp by past bias.   
James hadn’t even really had a chance to masturbate. Grief and exhaustion taking their toll on his libido. 

That night it was Snape’s turn to put Harry to bed giving James an early night off. The three had begun to eat their meals together, mutually deciding it was better for Harry.   
James felt an image float like a summer’s day cloud through his mind. He didn’t think he’d ever physically be attracted to Snape, but his gentle smile towards Harry and he whipped his kid’s mouth clean of peas and mash was strangely enticing. James for a moment wondered what that mouth would look like wrapped like a bow around his cock.

Later, he squirmed into the satin blue sheets of his bed, the material rubbing against his back. Snape’s hands were probably rough, or maybe not. Maybe he’d come up with some potion for his skin, and from his lack of outside activities they would be pale white as paper. He could almost feel his own hands replaced with the ones in his fantasy as his lowered his night pants down to hang around his spread knees. His prick was beginning to fill, draining the coherency from James' mind.   
His throw his head back onto the pillow as another image crossed his foggy-night mind.   
Snape was actually quite lean underneath the ghastly robs he choose. He’d seen him with just a towel around his waist. James thought his hands could probably circle it, pulling his body down onto his lap. His cock jumped in excitement at the idea.   
Slight Snape on his lap. James would be in control of his movements. Lifting his light body up, then pounding him down. In his fantasy Snape immediately opened up for him. Like a flower in bloom. Nature documentary.   
The man may have been a hard prickly bastard on the outside, but now James knew something else. His insides were soft and warm. He had a soul like a warm bed on a rainy day, so different from Lily who was all heat and fire.  
James imagined Snape’s body would feel like it was floating on his insanely hard prick. He’d be boneless as James thrusted into his tightness like he belonged there. James was getting close, as he imagines Severus’s scrunched up eyes, ever-present frown line in the middle of his brows, opening to gaze down at him with an all-encompassing trust and loveliness.   
James would probably be his one and only, James realized with beautiful naivety. No one else would be able to thrust up and touch this man’s soul like he was. No one would watch him melt into his own pleasure as he came hard and dramatic. No one else would ever feel how soft this guy was, how fragile like a doe in heat.   
James dropped down from his high with a long sigh of air, pushed out of his lungs. 

‘Well that’s something I never thought I’d get off to’, James thought to himself after a few minutes, cleaning up the mess with a spell. 

Sleep came to him remarkable easily that night. And the night after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for staying with my stories even when I have gaps between upload dates :D   
> I've been super busy this year with uni but I will attempt to my bestest to finish this fic for all of the fans out there!  
> Please be kind and send heaps of love and kudos!   
> I will also be working on a number of my other fanfics so go check them out.   
> Thanks a bunch for the support and archive love :)   
> And as always supportive criticism and kudos are really appreciated


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Months seem to pass in camera flashes of routine. Harry’s growth seemed to be the only marking of time for the two men, the seasons passing by unnoticed through the thick walls and closed off windows. It was probably the happiest time in Severus’s miserable life. Second, maybe if he painfully remembered back to Pre-Hogwarts era...maybe.  
But for now his attention was wrapped on the bundle of joy in front of him. Of course he would never say it out loud. But it was extremely hard to keep the slight upturn of his lips away after months of gargling and giggling Harry turned his tiny head towards him and called out “Sev!”

James insisted it was just a coincidence, a string of sounds which happened to sound like the name James now used more often than not. Harry was now stringing together words seemingly at random, a language only he could understand. Snape attempted to correct him at every turn, whilst James just smiled and spoke back in broken English, making Severus glare at him. He made a habit of telling James off for dumbing-down his spore to his level. 

The only annoyance were the regular visits from both Black and Lupin. Whenever they were over to play Snape would coincidentally find himself immersed in his potions, only to emerge smelling like chopped frogs legs and roots hours after they had disappeared. James didn't once offer him a spot in their microfiber tight-knit friendship group. But as Harry grew stronger the two men grew closer to the point of not completely despising each other. Severus began to become intimate with James small ticks and body language.   
For example he knew that if James lips curled slightly when he was insulting him, it was more teasing then anything serious. When James was most happy he would become extremely touchy, bumping shoulders, finding any reason for the two to make skin contact. Severus could remember similar traits back in Hogwarts between the Marauders. He had found it disgusting back then, all that touchy-feely show of affection. Now it was more awkward. Severus couldn’t decide if he wanted to back up or move closer. 

He became stuck in a sort of intimacy limbo.   
During his time as a Death Eater Severus had not been 'properly' intimate with anyone.   
He had fucked a few of the Witches, drunk off their asses after a night of killing and willing to sleep with anything that moved. But these nights had been nothing but a vulgar display of power.  
Feeling alive when they had been the cause of so much death.  
The Witches had seemed intoxicated by it, Bellatrix exceptionally so. But Severus could never really drown himself in that type of hedonism. Alcohol was another story. 

Raising Harry with James was the most alive he had ever felt. Yet, as happy as he was, Snape would always feel the tendrils of cruelty, swimming just under the surface of his domestic bliss.  
This was not his family, and it never would be.   
This arrangement may have been part convenience, part whim of Dumbledore's; and thus, could be taken away just as freely as it was given.   
Time felt still, yet, Severus could feel it falling like sand through his palms. Snape’s depression clung to him and refused to disappear.   
Severus guessed it never would. 

So maybe that's why Severus hid his feelings like a mother dragon hiding her eggs. Tore his heart and petrified his face in stone. He was afraid of loosing everything once more. 

But it was hard because Harry would break through his barriers like a hot knife cutting room temperature butter, and James would be there to see the cracks laying underneath. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

James POV

And like that it was the anniversary of the Dark Lords defeat at the tiny hands of Harry.   
The day seemed to creep up on the two wizards. But both were prepared when it arrived. 

Severus had the Slytherin foresight to permit the care of Harry to Remus the day before. One of the only awkward conversation regarding his two best friends James had ever seen his housemate actively engage with.   
The day was filled with celebration, it seemed that everyone had somewhere to be, a party to attend. 

James would later find out that a huge gathering had been held at the Ministry of Magic. Wine and Fire Whiskey flowed and Wizards and Witches almost coined it the event of the century. It would be talked about fondly for years after, but James couldn’t bring himself to move from the living room sofa.

To him this date marked the death of his wife. The flower and light of his life. Lily had made him a better person, humbled him with her kindness and smothered him with her love. James could barely even remember any of the fights they’d had. In his mind’s eye she lived eternally perfect and beautiful. 

At that point he had stomached almost a whole bottle of Fire Whiskey and then some. 

The first few shots had made him feel partially better, but nearing the end of the bottle brought with it an intense feeling of loneliness he thought he'd buried. A feeling that no amount of alcohol could fill. Unless it killed him that is. 

James wasn't a lonely person. He'd had a happy childhood and a close-nit of friends who would never leave him for the world.   
He was a well adjusted adult with a kid he loved and... well that's just where everything went to shit.   
As well as the dark cloud that had descended on him in the month upcoming tonight. And not to forgetting the nightmares that terrorized him almost nightly. He refused to tell Sev about it, he was meant to be the brave Gryffindor lion but images of the war left him shaking like crunched up autumn leaf. He'd spell himself clean before leaving his room, his night clothes looked like he'd been dunked in the Hogwarts lake by the giant squid.   
He'd feel the same shacks start whenever Mooney and Padfoot got up to leave after a visit. Like if they left they were never coming back.   
He hid it behind a smile waving them off.   
Letting the dark sense of sadness wash over him for a few moments before Harry would start screaming for attention, bringing James back to the present. 

He wobbled over to the hallway and stared down into the houses bowls.   
He had never until that point sought out Severus. That man was anal about the schedules he kept with Harry, never requiring James to have to call for the man’s help, it was always just there. 

The only time he had even been inside the makeshift lab was when Dumbledore had ordered him to go. All of that was put to the back of his mind as he took the first few steps leading downwards. This was so much like heading down to the Slytherin dorms to play pranks, it wasn’t even funny.   
'What was the obsession with underground the green house had anyway?' 

James thought that the ambitious house would want to be as close to the sky in the highest tower as possible.   
Why this man insisted on living underground James would never know. 

Intoxicated, the narrow hallway appeared to be spinning on its hinges, rolling around him like the barrel of a wave. He nearly fell more then once, but persevered. He'd never let a bottle get to him! Although he may have thrown up a bit in the hallway. He'd remember in the morning. 

Finally after an unknown amount of time, James reached the thick wooden door separating the two of them.   
He raised a hand to push the door open when a wet, nasal sound entered his ears. It continued to heave and chock for a number of minutes before he recognized the noise as crying. James remembered that night. Severus had been screaming, choking out an inhuman cry. But this sound was dipped in sorrow. He didn’t think he had ever heard the man weep, even at his own merciless hands. He had always met his gaze, cruel and unwavering on equal grown, as the Marauders tormented and bullied. 

James silently entered the room, following the crying to its source.  
In a small crevice behind the work desk sat Severus. James imidiatly got a flashback to the first year boy, scrawny, scared and weak. Right now Severus was closer to this imagine then any of his adult forms, whether that be feared death eater, or the man who looked after Harry as if it were his life’s purpose.   
It was like he had reverted into something long dead. 

“Severus?” James squatted down as best he could, raising his hand to brush away the long bangs that covered his face. Black eyes peered up to meet his chestnut brown. A shock wave traveled through James. He remembered a conversation with Dumbledore. The man had mentioned that Snap’s patronus had become a doe. Not really getting the context, James had laughed at the feminine aspect of it, yet now, he suddenly saw it.  
Lily had been a proud deer. Strong and confident, she had lived with her head raised high, in a meadow of flowers and sparkling light.

Severus was like a creature that had been hurt one too many times. Skittish and scared, fear and sadness emanated from him in as a dazzling array as light had from Lily. He was like an injured doe caught in headlights, with nowhere to run too. 

In that moment James felt a compulsion to protect the man in front of him. Maybe his own nature overtaking his senses.  
He pulled the shivering figure closely to his chest and kept him there for the rest of the night. James accio-ed another full bottle of fire whiskey, and together in that dingy, oppressive lab Snape joined him for a drink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank You everyone for the Kudos and comments. They keep me sane in my darkest hours :)   
> I promise the next chapter will be a little happier and more baby Harry, starting to love the little guy.   
> The next chapter is written so I will try get it edited and down by next week latest.   
> Hope everyone's enjoying the story and keep hanging on for more!


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Severus awoke with a grown that rang from his sea-sick stomach. He hadn't felt his head being banged like a Chinese gong with his body ejecting his very soul from gut in a while. He'd never particularly gotten used to drinking and probably would live the rest of his life a light weight with the morning after disposition of a hibernating bear. 

His eyes fell closed but flew open about an hour later; Snape's mouth dry and prickly as a desert. It took his a few minutes to recognize the wide, 'naked!' shoulders of the body sleeping next to him.   
'You can't be serious!'   
Deep panic seemed into his veins. He brought his hands over his body to try and feel for evidence.   
“We didn’t fuck…I don’t think”. Choosing to ignore the cracking white 'substance' dried on his chest, black piece of hair caked with 'something' hanging by his eye. The black haired man tried to muster the panic, the regret from deep in his gut; he'd potentially just slept with his high school bully! 'Come to your senses dickhead'!  
But his gaze remained forward, eyes trained off of the body sleeping next to him with his panic floating away from him like steam from on of his potions.   
His lack of anxiety about the whole situation is what fucked with him the most. 

James' made a slight grown with a pg like snort as the exclamation mark, turning over to face Severus.   
Snape snapped his head towards his old tormentor. His eyes were squinted in pain, half trying to block the pain ringing in his ears and the other half trying to make out the arrogant boy he'd known in the man laying by his side. 

James blinked his hazel eyes open, leaving the two to do nothing but stared at each other. Neither knew what to say.  
It was probably a good ten minutes later that James finally broke the ice. 

“Can we just talk about this later? I can’t deal with…life yet.” James voice was croaked up to high hell, bags hung under his phased out old hazelnut colored eyes, his skin was almost as sickly white as Severus's. 

“Ok”?, Severus's voice hung quietly between the two. He was as mentally unprepared for this conversation as James was obviously hung over.

The two remained still for a second before James sighed in defeat, pulling Severus’s body towards his with a whoosh of air from the limp bodies lungs. He hugged their forms together staring at the ceiling.

The two remained silent, both eventually dozing off into the quiet morning light, drizzling in through the cracks in the curtain. 

Severus's eyes blinked open for the third time that morning. Or probably afternoon from the taste in his mouth.

This time he was alone in bed. A whooshing sound of water went off in the bathroom and just like that James stood in the door frame, body almost consuming the entirety of the space. He looked sheepish, awkwardness washed the two of them like a cold shower. Severus wanted to do nothing but run back down to his lab, become a hermit, never to emerge from the cooling comfort of the stone walls.   
In typical Gryffendor fashion, James seemed to come to a decision. Nod to himself and with conviction he walked over and took a seat on the bed.   
‘Damn it! fucking Gryffendor bravery.’ Snape chewed on his inner lip. 

“So… about last night”, James began. 

“I don’t want to discuss this topic”, Severus stated, avoiding eye contact but could still feel his cheeks flush. 

“Really? Cause I think we absolutely should fucking talk about this.”

“Yeah? Well nobody cares what you think, Potter.”

James took in a deep, irritated breath, “this is going to be harder than it needs to be if you act like your normal shitty self you know.” 

Severus’s eyes caught James through the corner of his heavy lids, “is this what you consider to be wooing, Potter? Makes me wonder why Lily would ever fall for it.” 

James grit down on his teeth. “No...shut up, that’s not what I…”

“Why are you even trying this?” Severus once again trained his eyes on his hands. His voice lowered its volume to near inaudible. “We’ll just end up leaving each other anyway… I’m not meant to have this...sort of life.” It’s better to just let this burn where it stands.  
It’d be too painful, once this breaks apart and I have to leave. 

“What do you mean? Don’t you even want to try? I mean Dumbledore must have his reasons for trying to get us to get along!” Snape could see this beautiful glint of childlike naivety in James hazel eyes that he would never know. Snape was about to argue but quickly James cut him off.   
“You can’t live life like that! Pushing everyone away. Your smart, can’t you see that we’re both lonely? We’d be happier together then we would apart,” James gave Snape a once over, eyes heating up in a way that made Severus weary, before leaning into his ear and whispering, “plus, the sex would certainly be great”, leaning back and winking cheekily at him. 

Severus stared at the man with blushed red ears and cheeks, ‘this stupid, arrogant, son of a…’ yeah this was still the shitty brat Snape remembered.   
Snape stared at the cream ceiling, texture hurting his eyes, his breath still labored and throat sore from the sounds that had ripped from his throat. His ass clenched like he missed its intruder.   
James arms were crossed smugly behind his head as he rested contently against the headboard. Fucking shithead. 

“Well...that was certainly something,” James’s head lulled towards Snape, “didn’t take you for a screamer.”

“Shut up Potter.”

“I’m giving you a compliment. I liked it.” 

“Fuck. off.”

“You weren’t so bitchy before.”

Severus pushed his body up, feeling like a hundred tons of lead.   
With a slight limp that make James smirk further, he could feel the arrogance of it behind his head, Snape walked to the ensuite and jumped straight into the shower. He rested his head against the tiles and reminisced on poor life choices. Minutes later his bed-mate joined him under the spray. 

“You ok?” Sev lent his head back into the crook between James’s head and shoulder. For how jaggedly their personalities seemed to smoosh together, their bodies fit strangely well.  
James hands rested on his hips, thumb stroking up and down his flank. Their bodies began to rock together, back and forth in a slow imitation of the fucking they’d done last night. Images of it returning to his brain, Severus felt himself go hard in time with the growing erection pressing against his ass, pressed against the cool tiles.  
James leant down to bit at his neck, hips thrusting shallow swings. Severus felt his mind go quiet as he leant down against the wall and let James enter him once again. 

 

"I was jealous." The two men were drinking tea, James Earl Grey with sugar and milk and Severus some herbal substance that looked vaguely poisonous. Snape looked up with a raised eyebrow. 

"What, pray-tell, was the great James Potter jealous of?" 

James was playing with his thumbs around the rim of his fine china cup; picking at the hangnails. "That you were so close to Lily." Snape immediately perked up at her name and James let out a sigh of reluctance. He'd never voiced his feeling even to the other Marauders. "And that she actually wanted to hang out with you."  
Snape kept quiet. He knew that silence was the key right now to getting as much information out of Potter as possible. The man couldn't keep silent if he was hiding in a cupboard waiting to scare someone; he'd know. 

"You two were so close, those first few years. I was pretty much in love with Lily the first day I saw her, love at first sight and all that; although it took me years to figure that out. I was such a little shit to her to try get the attention. Yet, you seemed to just...make her comfortable, like, I knew you had history...she said as much, but I just didn't get what she saw in a slimy git like you! You just, like had her attention freely whenever you wanted! Send an owl and she'd come running, even after curfew. I never managed to get her to break curfew! It wasn't fair! So I just... I don't know," James tong was tying in knots but Snape could see where this story was going. He'd already worked out as much. Being out of Hogwarts gave him the perspective to see what had really been going on. 

But still he kept quiet and let James go on. He wanted to hear the story out of the horses own dumb mouth.

"I guess I just...took it out on you. The closer you and Lily got the more I wanted to torment you. And it really didn't help that Serious was just as happy to comply. It was just such a...release, watching you trip or struggle or seeing others laugh at you. As if they could see what I saw in you. The evil, vile slimy Slytherin who just kept taking the person I wanted from me." James took a deep breath then kept going. "When you went to Moony that night, I hesitated to stop you, probably the reason you got so far... a small part of me hoped that you'd die. It'd be the best situation for me cause you'd be out of the picture. Lily would get over it and we'd all live happily ever after. I feel horrible about it now, of course, can't really remember fully what I was thinking. Not the best Gryffindor am I." His head tiled to the side in a sick smile.   
Severus had never known he'd been capable of such emotional depth. He didn't even realize he was still angry at that night, His hands shaking around his own tea cup. They should have been suspended for nearly committing manslaughter, but their status as 'Gryffindor' prevented them from any such consequences. Maybe he was still angry because those events had been so soon after... 

"And why bring this all up now? You still ended up saving me... in the end." 

James was still figitting and awkward the whole way through. He obviously hadn't planned to have this talk, instead letting the words form naturally as if a script being written late at night.   
"I guess I felt like if we're going to really do this we probably need to deal with the past, rather the sweeping it under the rug. I'm kinda a romantic that way, that I don't like hating the person I'm currently sleeping with. And that I don't like that person hating me."

"I don't hate you now..." 

"Really? You might after this next bit." James took a deep breath. "I kinda wanted you and Lily to stop being friends." 

"No shit, you have said as much in your rant before." Severus tried to stare through James' hazel eyes to find their truth. 

"No I mean..." The door bell interrupted the two's conversation with James flying up to answer. Perhaps he wasn't so brave after all. He'd have to tempt the rest of it from the man at another point in time.   
"Harry!!" Snape heard from down the hallway. Looked like Lupin and Black where here. Half of him wanted to disappear to his make shift dungeon; swiftly avoiding the awkward social interaction he knew would insure. Yet, it had been an emotionally taxing day. Shit had happened that he didn't really want to think about, especially not on the note that Potter had left the conversation. That and he'd missed Harry. He'd never been away from either of them for so long before.

So Snape remained still. Eyes and face stone as Black was the first to enter the kitchen; whole happy demener dispersing as he saw who was at the table. He sat down eyes glued to the other. At least Lupin was courteous enough to say a quiet hello before returning his attention to Harry. Black would never change. 

"...And Harry loved the fireworks! A little scared at first but the second that red lion shot across the sky, you should have seen him! His a Grythindor for sure!"

"Padfoot gave him a sip of Firewhiskey, you should probably know. Put Harry out like a light."

"Mooney!"

"What the hell man?!" James glared halfheartedly at his friend, not entirely angry. Snape bite his tong about the three dumbing down Harry's precious brain cells. The three of them fell into easy conversation that came with years of familiarity. Harry was becoming restless, squirming in Lupin's lap and climbing up his shoulder like a pet cat. Severus leaned forwards to take the squirming toddler. Lupin handed him over with no arguments but he could feel the heat of glares coming off of the two of them. James squirmed an apology from across the table. Like father like son.   
Harry immediately calmed down. He curled up his small body, head tucked under Severus' chin and picked curiously at the fluff and loose strings of his day to day robes.   
Snape dared Black to say anything. His glare intensifying with the challenge; boiling point immanent.

"Why does he like Sniverous so much? Thought babies were meant to be scared of goblins." 

"Padfoot, don't." 

"Why is he even here anyways. You have enough on your plate without having to keep one eye open at night as well." 

"We already had this..." James tried to shoot in but Black continued. 

"Though babies were meant to be able to sense evil or something, or maybe he already has Harry under an impervious the Death Eat scum." 

"I have done no such thing and have repented for my past mistakes." 

"You call murdering and torturing redeemable? We always knew you were evil but we thought you knew that too. Or are you so fucking deluded that you think you can be a parent to Harry!?" 

"Padfoot!"  
"Black!!" 

Harry startled, shying away into Severus' long hair. Snape was furious. He thought Black could at least keep his shit together in front of Harry! James looked equally angry but wouldn't lash out at his friend. Grythendor loyalty and shit. 

"If you are unable to be amicable I will take Harry to the other room." Snape stood up and headed straight for the door. "He does not need to hear your filth. I shudder to think what his been through this last 24 hours."

"You will not..." 

"Padfoot! Please its fine. Later. I need to talk to you about something anyways." James bagged his friend, deflating some of the anger in Blacks eyes.

"Fine but not further then the other room. I've got my eye on you shit h... I mean meanie poo." 

Snape sniggered and left the three friends alone. Harry was looking up at him quietly, sensing the tension. He was an intuitive little bugger he'd give him that much. He sat the two of them down in the sitting room adjacent from the Kitchen. Harry's play pen opened up and the toddler squealed as the barrage of magical play things swarmed the spoiled rotten child. Toy soldiers marched out in formation and Harry excitedly reached for the general. He was then distracted by an enchanted stuffed elephant that roared to life, then a toy witch on an old fashioned broomstick came flying out from the corner. Harry jumped using Severus' shoulders as leverage to try and reach the toy.   
Severus had ended up buying way more that he'd ever thought one child would need. He'd had next to nothing growing up and he wanted Harry to never feel the jealousy and want he'd felt. Watching other kids play with the new coolest thing whilst being markedly isolated and left out. 

The two of them played for a good half hour before Lupin came in to say goodbye to Harry and give him a big squeezing hug. Black stayed by the door openly hostile but said nothing as the two left. 

"Sorry about that." James came back into the room a few minutes later. Tired but looking content. He was a social creature who always looked most alive surrounded by his loved ones, complete opposite to Snape. 

"I'm assuming that conversation was about me, but not about 'us' as you put it this morning?" James blushed but said nothing to correct him. Harry ran over to his father waving the flying witch he'd managed to catch about five minutes ago.   
"Daddy! Vitch!" 

James smiled brightly and summoned the toy snitch to his hand. Of course his favorite game with his son. Harry squealed and Snap rolled his eyes but couldn't keep the smile off of his face.   
The two played for the rest of the day in domestic bliss. Severus joined in, playing ref and being just a little biased towards Harry's victories. He was definitely going to be like his father on that account. 

 

Dinner went by without a hitch and then Harry was tucked in bed. Already asleep from the long day of children's quidditch and adventures. 

James and Severus sat quietly in the drawing room, it was too early for either of them to go to sleep yet, but the earlier conversation was still deeply etched into both their minds. It was Severus this time who breached the topic first. 

"So what were you going to tell me...before we were interrupted." 

"...Nothing much. Was just going to say sorry for all the shit I did to you in school."  
Snape didn't believe him for a second but decided against pushing the issue, for now at least. 

"Are you planning on telling anyone...about our...affairs?"

"Why do you have to sound like such an old man all the time?"

"And why are you dodging the question?" 

James breathed out heavily but replied, "look, its still pretty early in all this and as you saw today neither Remus nor Sirius are that thrilled that your here. Not to mention how the tabloid would take it. Thank the stars they don't know that your staying here yet and Dumbledore's managed to keep a lid on things. As it is there's almost daily reports on the 'savior' of the wizarding world!" 

"I understand the complications of my and Harry's situation, but that was not what I was alluding to." Severus leaned forwards forcing James to copy his movements. "If I have to spell it out for you I want to know where this could go, between us; no one else involved." 

James was unusually quite. Not blurting out the first thing that was in his head but actually mulling over the answer like a mature adult. 'Merlin's beard the war had been good on this man's mature, chiseled attractiveness'.   
"I'm not the type for one night stands. I already told you as much. But I don't know about calling this a relationship yet. What would that make you? My boyfriend?" Severus smiled at the childishness of it. "Can we just be somewhere in between? Cause I do, 'at least sorta' like 'some parts' of you, and I definitely want to keep fucking. Yeah, that's definitely on the table. So maybe just, leave in open for now and see where this goes?" 

Snape weighed the answer on his tong but found that he was much in the same place. He wasn't in the right place in his life to make a serious commitment, yet, the companionship gave him joy. Something he'd never thought he'd feel again after that day in Hogwarts. And part of him did want somebody he could call his own.   
But still, there was that black pit in his stomach. The one that warned him that this would all go to shit and that pressing for anything more would just lead to its inevitable conclusion.  
"Ok...we can leave it open." Severus tried to give an honest smile but James didn't seem to notice his struggle. Hazel eyes traveled up and down his body and the room heated up a few degrees.  
"So, you wanna start exploring the boundaries of this new 'relationship' now?"

"Thought you had done enough exploring last night." Snape tilted his head to the side, eyes hooded to make starry midnight orbs staring the other man down. 

"There were a few more things that I wanted to try out. Your body is very 'exploritive'." 

Snape chocked on his own spit laughing, "that even a word Potter?"

James' smile reached his eyes, he got up and leaned his chest into Severus', "it is now." 

 

The two took under a minute to reach James room. Clothes were already being shed and both pairs of hands demanded the others skin. Before Severus could blink he was on his back, chest exposed as James's mouthed his neck, sucking what would be an angry red patch tomorrow. 

"Daddy? Sev?" 

'Fuck!!' 

The two of them leaped off each other. Harry stood at the door, his stuffed lion gripped tight. 

"What is it sweety?" James was the first to get up, shoving the embarrassment deep down inside him.

"Had 'a scary dream..."

"Its ok, your a little lion, remember? You aren't scared of any big bad dreams, are you?" James keeled down to Harry's level. 

"Was abowt a big scary snake with red eyes!" Harry held up his hands for emphasis. "Was chasing me..."   
Both James and Severus bit their lips. It was probably just a coincidence... 

"Would you like to sleep with us tonight?" Sev got off the bed to join the pair. 

"Yay!" Harry squealed, jumping on the bed, making the mattress into a trampoline. 

"Now look what you've done." James badgered him. "Harry you can sleep with us but you have to be a big boy and go to sleep."   
Harry nodding his head at rapid speed, jumping on his butt and diving under the covers. James sighed with amusement before getting in.   
Snape was about to leave but then Harry started squealing and squirming, hand's out stretched calling "Sev! Want Sev!" 

James' smirked, "you heard him, get in here!" 

And that's how Snape found himself wrapped up in two pairs of arms. One small pair around his waist, small head snuggled into his chest, and a larger arm crossed over his shoulder. It was slightly too hot for comfort but he didn't mind.   
He has finally found a paradise. Some semblance of tranquility in his volatile life. 

Snape had a flash of understanding. He knew that the hope for either of them getting over their past indiscretions was slight, at best. Maybe he would be stuck a Death Eater and Potter a warrior of the light, forever until the end of time. Stuck in their parts and only able to grasp at something that even resembled moving on; a real relationship that Snape had always thought to be allusive to him. 

But he could hope, couldn't he? He could pretend for just a while that he loved Potter and Potter loved him and that they would live happily ever after. Harry slept peacefully between them, nightmares long chased away.   
For a little while Severus was happy. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks everyone for all the Kudos and comments!  
> I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope people liked reading it!
> 
> I actually have very little knowledge on children's development, like when they start talking, walking etc. Harry's mean to be about 2 at this point so I'm pretty sure they can walk around at that point, so i'm going to be imagining him as a toddler from this point on.   
> Anyways keep the love coming and I hope everyone enjoys my story :)

**Author's Note:**

> Hi Guys!!!  
> Thanks for reading the first chapter. I haven't been fanfic-ing for long so if you have any constructive criticism hit me up. I will attempt to get a chapter up weekly but no promises being made at this point. I plan to swap James's and Snape's POV for each chapter.  
> I just hope you enjoy my works and get as much pleasure out of reading them as I do writing them  
> Peace out.


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